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The Little Mermaid is the Absolute Worst

Worst Disney Princess: you can totally see the crazy in Ariel’s eyes

In the wake of Frozen 2’s $1 billion haul, the debate rages on about who is the best Disney princess — Elsa or Anna. What short-minded people don’t realize is that these two aren’t even princesses yet (officially). So while they can go on and argue about their Merida’s (my vote), Rapunzel’s, Pochahonti and Jasmines, I think it’s pretty clear who is the absolute worst Disney princess — Ariel.

I’ve often heard people dismiss Ariel from Disney’s The Little Mermaid as “just your typical teenage girl” and I would like to reveal why she is far from normal and is in fact a complete basket case who needs, not just a therapist, but most likely a whole team of mental healthcare professionals working on her.

For starters, she abandons her family at 16, runs away from home, moves in with a strange guy she’s only seen once and has never even talked to. She sacrifices her voice to Ursula,a known dangerous criminal (who is in fact considered so dangerous that she has been cast out by society) in exchange for a magic potion that will turn her tail into legs and she truly believes Ursula when she says that in 3 days it is possible to “make” some guy love her otherwise she has to become a sea plant, i.e. a vegetable in a garden of lost souls. Can we say trust issues? How many bridges a week does she spend her allowance on?

Drinking problem?

She also passes out cold from drinking this “magic” drink, which she has no idea what’s inside of it and she barely even gave it a second thought before downing it. She drinks this drink, that Ursula concocts for her, with no regard for the fact that some shady, drug dealing sea witch gave her this “potion.” She doesn’t know if this potion will make her human or kill her; she just blindly trusts Ursula, because clearly getting her man is the more important than, you know, dying. Come one Ariel, get your priorities straight.

Clearly this drink has something resembling Rohypnol in it, because she passes out immediately after drinking it, nearly drowns, and has to be saved from death by her best friend and her babysitter (yes, she has a babysitter at 16, she is that irresponsible that her father has hired a fricking babysitter to keep her out of trouble). Then, when she wakes up NAKED on a beach is she freaked out? Does she realized she almost died? Does she even thank her best friend and babysitter for saving her life? Big. Fat. NO. She shows no common sense or even really common decency and is only concerned with Eric, a guy she knows literally nothing about.

An Inconsiderate Slut

She then follows him home like a lost, love sick puppy, not caring at all that she has left her home and family and everything she knows behind, because now she has finally offically met her “true” love. How on earth is he her true love? She’s never even spoken to him, but we just accept this as normal, because hey, she’s just your typical teenage girl, I mean they’re all like this, right? RIGHT???

She then dines with him, where he and his family are feasting on her former sea friends, or at least her sea friends’ relatives, which she may or may not have partaken in eating too. So, she is possibly now dining on her former loyal subjects. Even if she doesn’t eat them, she is more than fine with the fact that this guy she has an obsessive crush on is eating her former friends and subjects. I mean it’s like: hey this here food looks exactly like my babysitter Sebastian’s Aunt Tilly, but if he says she’s delicious, I may as well try her, you know, so I don’t appear rude or anything, I mean hey, she may taste great. I mean, that’s disgusting!! But hey, don’t worry, that’s ok, because when you think you are in love, it’s perfectly fine for the guy of your dreams to eat your murdered sea friends, because being kissed by him is SO much more important.

Which brings me to the topic of being kissed, all the while all she can think about is getting Eric to kiss her, she doesn’t even have the confidence to make the first move, she’s obsessed with gender roles. Did she ever consider that maybe he wants her to make the first move? Maybe he’s shy, maybe he prefers strong women or maybe she should consider her wants and needs and not only focus on Eric’s.

Why Ariel Is Just The Worst Disney Princess

She doesn’t seem to miss her father or sisters or show any remorse for abandoning them. Did she really ever consider that they may miss her or may be worried sick about her? No, of course not. Her only concern is for her childish, one dimensional relationship with Eric, a guy that she literally cannot even hold a conversation with.

She is bat shit crazy, this is not normal for a 16 year old girl, this girl has issues spanning to the moon and back and she needs psychological help, not a god damned boyfriend. Little girls look up to this wacko? She is not only the worst Disney princess, but perhaps the worst protagonist in all of film. She didn’t do anything but crazy ass shit.

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